Video calls with the grandchildren: the simplest setup that works

The best setup for video calls is not the most capable one. It is this: a single app, chosen because the rest of the family already uses it, on a tablet sitting in a stand, in the room where the person actually sits, with a lamp in front of them rather than a window behind them.

What makes video calls fail is almost never technical. It is three different apps depending on who is calling, a tablet lying flat on the kitchen table, a ringer that has been silenced for six months, and a backlit face nobody can make out. Every one of those is fixable once and for all.

Choose the app by the family, not by the reviews

This is the only decision that really matters, and the criterion is simple: which app do the people who will be calling already use every day?

A technically superior app that nobody opens is worth less than an ordinary one already installed on the children’s and grandchildren’s phones. Poll the family, count, and go with the majority. Then stick to it: with three apps installed, the call will always arrive in whichever one is not open.

One sentence each:

• FaceTime: built into every Apple device, nothing to install, nothing to configure. If the whole family is on iPhones, the question is settled. A link can also be sent to someone without an Apple device.
• WhatsApp: works everywhere, iPhone or Android, and it is often the choice for families spread across several countries.
• Messenger: already there for anyone using Facebook, which makes it a practical pick for a lot of people over 65.
• Google Meet or Zoom: very good for a group call across several households, a little heavy for a two-person chat.

None of these apps is bad. The bad one is the fourth.

Tablet, phone or computer?

For seventy-five-year-old eyes and hands, this is not a matter of taste.

The tablet wins almost every time. The screen is big enough to see a child’s face, it sits in a stand, it moves from room to room, and there is nothing to plug in. It is the default choice by a wide margin.

A phone is fine for a short call or one taken away from home, but the screen is small and it has to be held. A hand that shakes slightly produces an image that never stops moving, which tires everyone out.

A computer has the largest screen, which is a genuine advantage for weak eyesight. Its drawbacks: a lid to open, a login, the right window to find, and a camera that is often badly placed or poor quality on older models.

Pick one device for calls and always leave it in the same place. “The call device” becomes a familiar object, the way the living room telephone once was.

Where the device should live

A mundane detail with an outsized effect.

It should be where the person already sits, not in the back office they never enter. The armchair, the kitchen table, the reading corner.

It should be plugged in or within reach of a cord. A flat battery is the single biggest cause of missed calls, ahead of every network problem.

It should be in a room with good Wi-Fi. If the basement or the far bedroom has weak coverage, that is not the spot, however good the chair is.

And it should live in its stand permanently, never in a drawer. A device that gets put away is a device nobody thinks to open.

Lighting, the detail nobody fixes

This is the difference between seeing your daughter and seeing a black silhouette.

The rule is one line long: the light must be in front of the face, never behind it. A window behind you turns your face into a shadow, because the camera exposes for the brightest part of the picture.

Three easy corrections:

1. Turn the chair or the tablet so the window is in front of you or off to one side.
2. Add a lamp behind the device, pointed at you. An ordinary table lamp is enough.
3. Do not light from the ceiling alone. An overhead fixture on its own carves shadows under the eyes and chin.

In the evening the screen itself gives off a little light, but never enough. A lamp nearby transforms the result.

A stand, and the right height

Holding a tablet for twenty minutes is tiring, and nobody says so out loud.

An adjustable tilting stand costs very little and solves three problems at once: hands stay free, the picture stops moving, and the angle becomes correct.

Aim for the camera at roughly eye level, with the device about an arm’s length away. Too low and the camera films a chin and a ceiling. Too close and all that appears is a forehead.

A thick book under the stand works perfectly in the meantime. It is not elegant, but it works.

Sound: hearing, and being heard

This is the second biggest source of frustrating calls, after the picture.

Call volume and ringer volume are two separate settings on most devices. Plenty of people turn one up and wonder why the other stays silent. Check both, separately, before concluding anything.

A tablet speaker is fine in a quiet room. Turn off the television and the dishwasher: the microphone picks up everything, and background noise is exhausting for anyone whose hearing has faded.

If the person wears hearing aids, check whether they connect directly to the tablet over Bluetooth. When that works the difference is dramatic. If not, simple wired headphones help enormously.

Echo almost always comes from the other end of the line rather than yours. Usually it is someone with two devices open in the same room.

Answering the call: the most underrated obstacle

A missed call is almost never a refused call. It is a call that never rang.

Check these once, then forget them:

• Is the ringer turned up, and is silent mode off?
• Is “Do Not Disturb” or “Focus” switched on by accident, possibly months ago? This is a major culprit.
• Are notifications allowed for the calling app in the settings?
• Are the callers saved as contacts, with photos? Someone cautious will not answer an unknown number, and that is a good habit you do not want to undo.
• Is the green button recognisable? Do a test call together and let the person answer it themselves, not you.

A note in large handwriting tucked under the stand — “Press the green circle” — beats three explanations.

When the call always freezes

If it freezes every time, the cause is almost always Wi-Fi and almost never the app.

In order, simplest first:

1. Move closer to the router for one call, as a test. If everything smooths out, you have your answer.
2. Turn the video off for thirty seconds. If the voice comes back clearly, the connection is short on bandwidth; the device is not too old.
3. Check who else is using the internet at that moment. A 4K television in the next room takes a large share.
4. Restart the router, then the device. In that order, and once a month is not excessive.
5. Check the other end. The problem is often the person calling from a phone in a basement.

If one particular room never works, that is a dead zone and it can be fixed. Wi-Fi dead zones and what actually works covers what to try before buying anything.

The small ritual that makes calls happen

Technology solves half the problem. The other half is a habit.

Set a recurring time — Sunday after dinner, Wednesday before bath time — rather than waiting for inspiration. A scheduled call happens; a spontaneous one gets postponed to next week indefinitely.

And one piece of advice for calls with small children: they do not sit still, and they answer questions badly. The best calls are the ones where you ask them to show you something. A drawing, a toy, the new tooth. The parent props the phone in a stand and the child plays in front of it. Fifteen minutes of ordinary life beats ten minutes of “say hello to Grandma.”

If you would rather have someone set up the tablet, the stand and the app, then run a test call in the room with you, that is exactly what our senior tech help and phones and tablets services cover. Whatever settings remain can often be handled afterwards remotely.